The Eternal Shuffle

The street is open. Your destination is clear. The universe places two humans directly in front of you. They walk with the speed of geological change. You are trapped behind them, a sentient being reduced to matching the pace of decay.

The Annoyance

They stroll, they drift, they pause mid-path to check their phone. One stops completely, possibly to reconsider life. You hover behind, polite but internally boiling. You consider overtaking but can’t – a wall, a stroller, a couple holding hands across the entire pavement. The gods are testing your restraint.

The Absurd Diagnosis

Condition: Pedestrian-Induced Temporal Distortion Syndrome (PITDS).

Symptoms include clenched teeth, shallow sighs, and sudden awareness of the meaninglessness of time.

Cause: misplaced belief that walking speed should align with moral worth.

A Low-Key Cure

Accept your role as a background spirit in someone else’s slow montage.

Adjust your breathing to their glacial rhythm.

Imagine you’re part of a live art installation titled Human Inefficiency.

If all else fails, stop completely. Let them walk ahead. Pretend you’re free.

The Witty Insight

Slow walkers remind us that time is elastic and politeness is a cage.

They expose the illusion of momentum that keeps us civilized.

We crave progress, yet half our lives are spent pacing behind the indecisive.

Conclusion

Eventually, they turn off into a shop or vanish into a side street.

The path opens. You stride forward, triumphant and hollow.

Two steps later, another pair appears.

The lesson repeats itself.

SOME DOSE. For those haunted by the slow motion of the living.